My Little Doll : Part 1

I once had a sweet little doll, dears,
The prettiest doll in the world;
Her cheeks were so red and so white; dears,
And her hair was so charmingly curled.

            “Sayang,” He called me in his oh-so-sweet-and tender voice that he always uses with me. I looked up from my current read and threw him a sugar coated smile that I would always give him when he addressed me in such a way. There he was, sitting on the floor, looking up at me who was currently lying down on the couch. His put his head on my tummy and gently, oh so gently he laid a kiss just above my t-shirt covered belly button.  

“Do you need anything?” I asked; he shook his head. Seeing that he did not require anything from me, I then focused back to the lines that I was reading before. He was now getting comfortable making my tummy as his pillow and to tell the truth, I too loved this moment simply too much.

Adi is a very loving husband. He loves affection, and he loves showing his childish side to me as frequent as he could manage to do so. He is a kid at heart and he fills my life with laughter, joy, and wonderful moments. He is my guardian angel. My most charming guardian angel.

“Sayang…I’m bored.” He said.

 I blurted a sudden laugh and my right hand left the book and went up to play with his hair. He muttered something which I could not grab but I did not bother to ask him back. He must be frustrated that I focused on the book and not on him, probably. He must be saying his usual one liner he dedicated specially for me; suami kat tepi, buku juga yang dia layan lebih. However, I could not help it.

Reading was, is and will be my passion, and though Adi is one of my passions too, but at this moment, this book needs to be rid off my system and then only, I could solely focus on Adi. That is, before I get a new book to be passionate about.

What I envisioned was true when Adi suddenly pulled my book off and put it as far as possible, beyond my reach. I then pouted and his little smirk on his faced actually grew bigger when he saw that he managed to get my attention. My o my, someone was definitely being too envious these days.

“Hey, gimme back my book, Abang!” I asked him, eagerly trying to reach for the book.

He shook his head simultaneously.

 I sighed. This man is seriously driving me crazy sometimes.

“Sayang…let’s do something fun. I’m bored watching all these TV programmes and you must be bored reading…whatever you are reading.” His eyelids were now blinking repeatedly at me, supposedly that’s the bonus look which always worked when he wanted to have his way with me. But not this time, I’m reading that book and that’s final.

I pulled on a serious face and braced my heart to not buy his sympathetic look.

“Okay! I’ll get the scrabble.” His head left my tummy as he stood up abruptly. I managed to grab the back of his shirt which pulled him to an abrupt stop. He looked at me questioningly.

“What? Don’t want scrabble? Nak pergi tengok awan? It’s a nice, clear, not too sunny afternoon; we could lie on the grass and figure out the shapes of the clouds. That’s kinda fun too.” He suggested another choice. I shook my head. He jerked his brows at me and I stifled a laugh.

My, isn’t he cute? And he’s all mine. I did wonder at times, what good deed did I make to get him as my husband? But I guessed, it’s all in Allah’s mercy.

“Then what sayang? Don’t tell me you nak baca novel tu lagi? You’ve been reading for three hours non-stop and I’m getting bored with you being so immersed behind those silly pages.” He grumbled, in a full distaste of my current read.

“Exactly that. I want to finish reading that story, lagi thirty pages only. Please, please, please.” Now, it was my turn to be cute.

 I heard him puffed a whole lot of air out of his lungs and then sighed deeply.

“Fine. You shall read, and I’ll cook lunch. By the time I’m finished, you better get rid of that book. I am to rip all those pages into shreds if I see that thing near you when I return.” He warned me. I nodded and blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch it and then sashayed eerily into the kitchen. Sorry Adi, but this book is too good to be put down! I’ll make it up to you later, Abang!

           

            LUNCH was great. He cooked my all time favourite masak lemak cili api and he took out those puddings he made yesterday. I could still remember the days when he wouldn’t even step a foot in the kitchen.

            Adi, is a man’s man, if I would be able to put it. He is the type of guy who will work out in the gym for 2 hours straight, drives a prestigous car, wears fashionable crisp white shirt into courtrooms, has a vicious mouth and also apart from all that, he is the most gentle person on earth.That was what made him loveable.

            With him being my husband, I discovered another part of him, his manja part. He loves baby-ing around with me. Sometimes,  I did feel as if I would need to get him a big pacifier to stifle into his mouth when he started making silly noises.

“Dig in, Lilis.”

            His voice brought me back to earth. I smiled and shook my head. One of his eyebrows jerked upwards.

            “Can we eat this in the backyard? Let us lay on the grass and look at the clouds?” I suggested.

            “Should’ve told that earlier. I’ve finished my share of puddings.” He said, grumpily.

I pulled off my cute look and pushed his arms with my left one.

            “Boleh share mine, apa?” I said.

            “Sure ni?”

            I nodded. He rose up from his chair and reached for my cane. He passed the cane from me and took my pudding for me.

            I followed him slowly, keeping my pace.

            “Those physio sessions are doing you good, Sayang. In two weeks time I bet you’ll be chasing me around the lot,”said him while holding the kitchen door for me. I rolled my eyes at his remarks. Two weeks huh? I too could not wait to let this walking stick go.

            “I hope so too, Abang. I can’t wait to walk freely, to run, to hike...to...”

            “To chase me, kan?” He added to my sentence.

            I gagged and he  kicked my bum, softly.

            “Hey! Why are you kicking my bum hah? Can’t you see a limping lady is walking over here?”

            “Banyaklah dia punya limping lady walking. Don’t give me those shits babe. That is not walking, that is parading. Walking is faster. I know you can speed up already.”

            He saw through my facade right away. I manouvered the cane expertly and moved faster. He laughed loudly.

            “Stop laughing la.” I shot at him.

            “See, told ya that you can walk faster now. Pemalas.” Those were his remarks when I passed him my cane and sat down on the mat he laid on our green grassy backyard.

            “I was just saving my energy.” I retorted back. He smirked at that retort and fed me  a spoonful of pudding.

            “I know my Lilis well, Sayang.And you are never lazy, I was just playing around.”

            “Good then.”

            He wanted to feed me another spoonful but I shook my head. I’ve had enough sugar for a day.Instead, I let him eat a heartful while I laid my head in his laps.

            I love looking at the clouds. Some are fluffy, some are thin, some even look like animals, objects, people too. Subhanallah.

            “Lils...”

He called his nickname for me. Lils, dropping the second ‘i’ in the word Lilis.

            “Hurmm?”

            “Look at that one. Three o clock. Just like a doll, is it not?” He suggested.

I looked at the direction he was pointing and agreed. It did look like a doll. But...

            “But it is like a broken doll...look at that smaller cloud.That looked like her right hand.” He pointed to another cloud passing nearby.

            “Ops...and her left leg is missing...” I added to his words. He was silent for a second.

            “She reminded me of you...Sayang. He croaked hoarsely. I bit my bottom lip. Adi...

            “Come on Adi, I wasn’t that broken. See, my left leg and right leg are still healthily intact.” said me while wiggling my legs.

            “Tapi masa tu sayang dah buat nyawa abang nyaris melayang tahu?” His voice was serious.

             I gulped. I knew very well Adi...too well. I reached for his hands and played with his fingers. I ran a thumb on his knuckles and kiss them all.

            “I know, Abang. I know.”

            “I should’ve listened to my heart and not leave you, Sayang.”

            “No. I believe in fate, Abang.If that day did not happen, I might not be here with you, right? Let us not question our pasts, que sera sera, is it not? It was all nicely planned by God.” I told him. He kept silent.

            “Besides, no matter what happened, you are still by my side, aren’t you?” I continued. I gave his tummy a little nudge and  he laughed a bit.

            “Like I said three years ago sweetheart, there are basically two types of men. The ones who make promises that are meant to be broken, and the ones that stick to those promises and make it happen.”

            THREE YEARS AGO

            It was a bright and sunny day, a day where butterflies flutters around and beez buzzing around searching for flowers. That was the day when I saw him. He was laughing loudly with a few of his friends and there was I, sitting in a corner, watching that sweet face bursting his heart out.

            “Kakak.”

            My twelve year old cousin called me. She wanted the ice-cream and as a responsible adult, my aunt asked me to accompany her to this ice-cream parlour.

            “Ya?”

            “Aiskrim akak tumpah atas tudung.” She said.

            I looked at my headgear covering my chest and my eyes widen. Oh no! Look Lilis, you were oogling that guy until you did not realise the icecream has melted and dripped onto  your scarf. Such a horrible sight! Comot!

            “Kakak usha abang kacak tu kan?” She started making naughty faces at me. I rolled my eyes and tugged on her long pony tail.

            “Budak kecik jangan banyak cakap. Chah tunggu sini, kakak nak pergi cuci ni kejap.” I told her. I grabbed a few pieces of tissue paper from the table to bring along.

            “Kakak, wink at him la!” She shouted when I was passing by his table. I was scrutinizing Aishah when her shrill voice caught everyone’s attention, including his.

            He saw me and winked. I paced faster towards the sink. Oh god, bloody loud twelve year old! Chah ni, buat akak malu tahu! I was grumpily scolding Aishah in my mind while dapping wet tissues on the stained scarf.

            Suddenly, a figure appeared and I moved to the corner to allow him use the other sink. I did not pay the person attention and was really focused on making the stain disappear. I looked into the mirror to check my scarf’s condition but what I saw nearly made my heart jump.

            There he was, looking all smug, staring at me. When he realised I knew he was observing me, he smiled widely.

            “Besar pun makan aiskrim sampai comot lagi?” He said, while his right hand went scratching the back of his neck. Was he nervous?

            “Dah dia nak tumpah, nak buat macam mana?” I replied softly, taking a few dry tissues to wipe the water from my hands. I turned to the back and looked him straight in the eyes.

            Damn. He was so tall and slightly buff.

            His shoulder breadth and unusual height kind of intimidated me. He made me feel like I was the red riding hood facing the big bad wolf at that moment. But somehow, his generous smile made me feel otherwise. He seemed like a nice kind of big ‘smiley’ wolf though.

            “A’ah kan? It ought to happen. Here, look at my shirt. Got a stain too.” He added, nicely.

            I looked at his slightly wet shirt and laughed. Okay, so he too ate like a kid.

            “Kata orang, dia pun sama.” I commented. My hands generously pulled few more dry tissue and passed him some.

            “Thanks...umm...” I guessed that was the cue for me to give my name.

            “Lilis.”

            “Nice name. I’m Affandi. Adi for short.” He said his name. I nodded.

            “Adi.”

            “And I have to tell you, a little birdie told me just now that you are single.”

He said further, while winking his eyes at this little girl who was now seated among his friends. My jaw dropped.

            “Chah! Tak guna punya budak kecik!” I grumbled while throwing those tissue papers into the trash. Aishah was so gonna get it from me. She and her loud mouth too! You wait Chah,  I were to tell you mommy later!

            “Hey. Chah bagus lah. Want to know what she told me?”

I nodded eagerly. Of course I wanna know! Then I’m gonna go home and report her attitude to my aunt.

            “She said, Abang abang. My kakak likes you. She is single and available. Mama dah bising sebab kakak did not have a guy friend yet. Abang jadilah guy friend kakak.Thus, I spilt my ice cream after hearing her frankness. Is she always that straight forward?”

            “Yeah.Chah and her big mouth.”

            “Really? But somehow Lilis, I like Chah’s idea. Am I allowed to know you better?” he said bluntly.

            I was gobsmacked! Alright, now this guy too was becoming frank huh? O Goodness! What a day?

            Such a temptation too. Should I accept his offer?

            “Sure Adi.Friends.”

And from then on, I joined his table, talked about stuffs, had a good laugh, and then onwards we started exchanging phone numbers, exchanging calls and also nicknames too.

            I needed to thank Aishah for her big mouth. Because of her, Adi approached me. Because of her,  I get my ‘guy friend’ now. Because of her, I now am in love with Adi so much.

            SOMEHOW, people do say that rainbows doesn’t exist everyday. And today was definitely not it. After six months knowing Adi, living every memorable moments with him, creating new experiences together, he managed to dropped the bomb today.

            “Sayang...guess what?” he started off while I was staring across the table. Alright, I was actually staring at this cute guy, across the place to be honest. I mean, my heart is his right, so no harm done if a girl want to have a peak at another piece of juicy meat. Heck, the way I put it sounded so gross.

            “Sayang...dengar ke tak ni?” He stressed on his words when he finally caught my attention. I smiled at the juicy guy and then averted my gaze to Adi.

            “Oi!” he knocked my hand with his phone.

            “Iya iya, I’m listening Adi.” I said, sipping on my vanilla milkshake.

Adi turned his head to the back and then snapped right away at me.

I gave him a cheeky smile and continued sipping. Oopsie...he noticed what had caught my attention earlier huh?

            “Lilis...” He growled hoarsely. A kind of warning perhaps.

I held up my index and middle finger and tried as hard as possible to stay cute with the ‘peace no war’ sign.

            “Ergh! Just forget it.” He pished off, avoiding my cute gaze.

"What?" I urged. Telling the truth, I do love getting on his nerves, at all times. But Adi is a special guy, he never lose his patience with me. I think, I liked that in him, the most.
            "No la." He avoided.
            "What no la? You look like you wanted to say something a moment ago." I pressed him further.

            I heard him heave a heavy sigh before pinning his gaze upon my face. His face was quite expressionless at the moment.
             "Your smile." Thus, the king hath spoken.
             "You have a problem with me smiling?" I was trying to get on his nerve again. I did know that he was the type to get envious easily.
            "Not really." He actually pouted while saying that. I tried to stiffle my laugh and failed miserably.

His pout became more prominent when I cracked in front of him. Adi...you are so cute.
             "Lils! I don't like it when you smile at another man as sweet as that.Smile and usha lelaki lain in my presence pulak tu!" Stated him. I calmed my laughter down and nudged his legs with my right foot.

             "My...you ni memang one kind la. Envious much Adi."I retorted while giving him another soft kick under the table.

 "Yalor sure I  get jealous what, only I should see a smile that bright coming from you,

sayang." And again Mr Duckie duck appeared on that handsome face.
             "Okay, here...ngeee...bright enough now?" I, then smiled as bright as I could to cheer him up a bit. Doing that, I managed to earn a soft smile from him.
            "Cheeky gal." His turn to kick my legs.I laughed again.
            "Cheeky Lilis version is only for cute Adi tau." I replied smartly. True, I am myself when I am with him. I did not need to pretend. Besides, he always make me feel comfortable around him.
            "Hai hai...that's sweet of you sayang." Seeing that his mood has totally brightened up, I too felt at ease. There was no need for me to look at other guys, right? Since they were all nothing compared to this Adi. From then, we began throwing each other compliments, which, we always do. It is nice to hear good and positive things sometimes. It makes the day happier for sure.
            "And sweet Lilis version too is for Adi." I said, sipping loudly on my last drop of vanilla milkshake.
            "Aren't you my favourite doll, then? I never had a doll as a kid." Said him while staring at me. A killer smirk was hanging from his face.
            "You are a guy, why need dolls when you have control cars and aeroplanes and yachts..."
            "I don't have a doll, though sayang."
            "Well I don't get to play with control cars too." I stated my point.
            "Then we complete each other huh? In a way..."He came up with a conclusion. I nodded, agreed to his idea. We did complete each other, was it not?
            "Hmm...if you've already put it like that then I guessed so. Yes."
            "I love you to the moon,stars, the whole universe and back, sayang." Adi started to get all romantic on me. I was not used to those cheesy love lines, but I have to agree, that those lines no matter how cheesy it may sound, it kinda makes my tummy flutters most of the time. It sure was good to know that this one person loved you sincerely.
            "Extreme but sweet ,Adi. It's hard not to fall for that line." I replied, not throwing another cheesy line of course. Adi is a professional at all that, but not me. I only know sarcastic lines.
            "Even harder to not fall for me, I bet?" And Mr Adi is getting pompous with his amazing abilities to make me swoon. I pretended to gag and that earned me another kick from him.
            "Eee....perasannya." I made a disgusted face while pushing my glass to the middle.

Adi then stopped fooling around and he stared at me seriously.

            “Okay. Back to the topic Lils. I need to tell you something.” His voice was all serious now and I guessed that was my cue to stop being childish too. I straightened up my back and looked at him.

            “Kenapa ni? Bad news ke?” I predicted. He half nodded before shaking his head.

            “I was selected for the programme Lils.” He said, but his eyes was full of sorrow. I gulped.

            “That...that is good right? You always wanted to go there.” I said back, knowing the consequences already. This relationship will not work out in the end, huh?

            “No Lils, no. I...that was before I met you, Sayang. I am rejecting the offer. I do not want to leave you here and go abroad, Lils.”

            “Adi...setahun aja kan? Do not waste this chance, Adi. I will wait for you. I promise.” I said back, knowing that I did not want to interfere with his dream ambition.

            He shook his head eagerly.

            “Saya takkan pergi. Saya tak nak tinggalkan awak.” He said stubbornly. I sighed. My fingers ran on the table mat and tried to smooth those invisible creases.

            “Adi kalau awak sayangkan saya...awak kena dengar apa saya cakap ni.Go get your dreams accomplished, then come home and let’s get married?” I suggested.

            His eyes gleamed for after registering the M word.

            “Setahun tu, Sayang.”

            “Time flies fast, Adi dearest.Pejam celik pejam celik, that’s it. You are a man with ambition, I say you achieve that first. I do not want to stand in you way, Adi. I do not want to be the reason why you never get what you wanted most in your life.”

            “You are the person that I want most, right now, Lilis.”

            “Being that person Adi, I want you to achieve your dreams first. Boleh” With that, I thought to myself, Lils, you have won this round.

            He sighed and slowly, nodded.

            “One year Lilis. One year and I’ll come home to you.”

            “That’s my Adi.Selalu buat keputusan yang terbaik.”

            “But remember Lils, I am leaving my heart behind. With you.”

            “I love you too Adi. Okay? A year is so short. We wouldn’t feel a thing.”

            “I will miss you so much, Sayang.”

            “Saya tunggu awak balik Malaysia, ya Adi?” He winked right after I said that sentence. I smiled. I too felt hard to make you leave for a year, Adi. But, you need to achieve your dreams too. I promise I would not stop you from achieving your dreams, ever!

            Love shall grow over distance, so they say, right? And so would our love too, Adi. Every second without you here, our love shall become stronger and stronger day by day. I promise that.

                                            *to be continued*

P/S: Pardon if there's any grammatical errors. I did not proofread this. ^_^ It is a 'cerpan' by the way.  part 2 *final* is coming sometime soon.